remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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