That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
