Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
