yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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