The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're too hungover to prance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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