Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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