It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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