There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
