had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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