Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
