my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
