Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
