Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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