I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
