So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I could make wine with my vomit
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
