Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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