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Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
