all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
