I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
