Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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