I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
