Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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