11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
