I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
