i already hear my dad disowning me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
