He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
