Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
