In the future we'll all be gay
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
