there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
