I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
