This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
