Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
