So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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