i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Even my vagina gasped.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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