is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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