He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
