you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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