Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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