It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
