wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
