Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
