Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
