And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
