I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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