Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
