Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
