I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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