omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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