she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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