ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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