yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
