i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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