I want to have your abortion
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
