I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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